Back in Time
by zentamaus
Summary: Beckett left Castle after he kissed Meredith in front of her. This is the story about what will be five years after that. And some about what happened in between. AU
1. Chapter 1

**FanFiction**

CASTLE

Kate Beckett & Richard Castle

& the whole cast

Set after 5x10 (cannon up to there)

_**Back in Time**_

_Beckett left Castle after he kissed Meredith in front of her. This is the story about what will be five years after that. And some about what happened in between ;) _

_Characters belong to their rightful owners._

2013:

Meredith, the way she is, kisses Castle hello, who is dumb enough to respond to the kiss. If only for a second, but it is enough. Kate stood only a few feet behind him and is now marching out of the still open front door without looking back. The tears start running down her cheeks until they drop off her face and stain her shirt.

She is standing in the elevator on her way down to the lobby, slumped against the wall. She wanted to trust Castle, but she never really could. Especially after the case with the weather girl. When she found Castle lying on his back and that bitch kneeling on top of him, stuffing her boobs into her partner's face. That is not an image you get out of your mind easily. It just really confused her. Was it not enough for Castle to have her? Did he _need_ the adventure with other women?

She couldn't trust him anymore.

And now that scene with his ex-wife was too much. How could he kiss her? Did he resolve old feelings for the mother of his child? Did he never _not _feel for the woman who gave him his wonderful daughter?

She pushes herself off the elevator wall when the bell rings, announcing the arrival in the lobby.

Kate hurries out of the building, through the front door onto the streets, not even hearing the nice words Eduardo speaks, complimenting Beckett on her outfit, not stopping. Not giving herself a chance to hesitate and maybe turn around. Or wait for Castle to follow her. What she is sure is exactly what he is doing right now. If he noticed that she left. Maybe he and Meredith are - . _No, Kate, don't do that to yourself. Just forget about. He's not worth it._ She thinks to herself. But it's all a lie. Of course he's worth it. The only one she ever thought of as being worthy of everything she can give.

Beckett turns left at the next corner where she had parked her car. The ride home will be a blur once she arrives at home. She won't remember any details, it just happened without her really paying attention.

2018:

Lanie invites Kate over for a talk, after she read the article about Castle's divorce and how he was in love with another woman the whole time. Tries to talk some sense into Kate and wants her to understand that this is all about her, that she's the woman he still loves after 5 years with totally no communication. Except for the one time the day she had left him standing in the middle of his living room with his then-ex-wife-soon-to-be-wife-again leaning comfortably against his side. Castle had tried to call her countless times that day. She only had answered the phone when it was already close to midnight, when she finally had managed to ease the sobs and calm down a bit.

She had answered the phone with a very harsh "what?" and hadn't said much after that. Neither did he. She told him that "it was clear this would never work" and that she "will be better of without him, without something holding her back from focusing on her career". There was no yelling involved in their break up. But she did yell at him afterward. At the back of his book covers. She yelled, she screamed, she cried, threw the book across her living room just to pick it up and softly let the tips of her fingers glide over his picture as she started sobbing again and let herself fall to the ground where she would stay for minutes, hours. It happened a couple of times, this whole procedure, but suddenly it stopped. It stopped when she didn't feel the pain anymore, when she started to feel nothing at all. In that time period she did more sparring at the precinct with Esposito and sometimes Demming, who luckily didn't ask question, just helped her with her training. Everyone noticed the change from angry-as-hell to not-feeling-anymore. Kate ate even less, got even thinner and spent even more time at the precinct. More than in her first year after the academy. Now it wasn't about finding her mother's killer, but about everyone else. The more time she could spend helping others and poking around in their lives, the less she had to think about her own.

_**A/N: I've started writing this story about a year ago, forgot about it, found it, loved it, decided to publish what I have so far ;) I'll hopefully update this story some time soon!**_

_**Thanks a lot for reading :)**_


	2. Chapter 2

**FanFiction**

CASTLE

Kate Beckett & Richard Castle

& the whole cast

Set after 5x10 (cannon up to there)

_**Back in Time**_

_Beckett left Castle after he kissed Meredith in front of her. This is the story about what will be five years after that. And some about what happened in between ;) _

_Characters belong to their rightful owners._

_**(continued from chapter 1, Lanie has invited Kate over for a talk)**_

2018:

As soon as she opens the door, Lanie starts talking at Kate about how she should 'totally get back together with Castle' because 'he has been in love with her the whole time'. Kate reacts with her typical Beckett-glare.

"C'mon girl, don't give me that look. You know as well as me that what the papers wrote is true!" Lanie says while taking Beckett's coat to hang it on the hook next to the door, who is already marching off towards the kitchen where two glasses of red wine are sitting on the counter, which Lanie had prepared a few moments before Kate's arrival. The M.E. follows her best friend and sits down next to her in one of the bar stools and starts talking again. "You know how when Javi and I broke up, how he went out with all them girls and then when he and I got back together he told me that he's been in love with me the whole damn time?"

"Lanie, that is something completely different!" Kate insists, furrowing her brows as she takes a sip of her wine.

"It's not."

"Yes, it is, Lanie. And you know it. You and Javi were close even after you two had broken up. You did not _not _talk for 5 years. And who says that woman he was in love with all the time is even me?"

Lanie looks at Kate as if to check whether she really just asked that question. "That man was crazy in love with you for _years_! Something like that doesn't just go away like that. You should know that best, honey."

"Are you trying to say I am still in love with him? Because that is simply not true." Kate tries to lie, but Lanie isn't one to be fooled by her best friend.

"Honey, I know you still have feelings for him. You haven't been in a serious relationship ever since you broke up with Castle. Even though you are trying really hard to hide it, you can't hide it from me that you are still hurt by what happened." Lanie states, going for a soothing tone. "You know how I feel how about you two, and how I want you two to be back together, because, you gotta admit it, you are perfect for each other."

Kate gives Lanie a disbelieving look. "Perfect for each other? He cheated on me. Twice. First with that News-bimbo and then with his ex-wife. I honestly think he only was with me for so long because it was the convenient thing to do. Not once did he say he loved me in those months that we were together." Kate recalls, getting a little sad, a little hurt, talking about Castle.

Lanie tries to come up with something she could say to that without causing Kate to close up completely. But it's already too late for that as Kate is taking one last big gulp of her wine before setting the glass back down on the counter. "I don't think it was a good idea talking about this, Lanie." She says, getting up and leaning in for a short hug. "I'm going to go now. I'll see you at work. Thanks for the wine." And with that Kate heads for the front door, getting her coat off the hook and leaving before she even has it put on properly. Lanie doesn't hold her back, knowing all too well, that this conversation has reached an end. For now.

_**A/N: I know it is really short, but I'd rather update more often with short adaptions than only every once in a while. I hope you enjoyed this small piece. Next chapter will be set before 2018. So you'll get some more background information ;)**_


End file.
